when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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