sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would ride that face into the sunset
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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