Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
