Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
