And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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