Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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