he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??