is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp