Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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