I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
