at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
