you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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