By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize