Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
