why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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