i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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