I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize