I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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