Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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