you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
