when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize