i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here