I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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