I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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