Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize