Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
