even my farts smell like vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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