his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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