Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
