how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
