I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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