How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ketchup is God's man juice
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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