Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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