Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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