smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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