When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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