i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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