and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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