i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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