I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize