I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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