if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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