He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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