hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
