i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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