hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.