I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.