Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.