I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down