Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
