Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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