whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
