Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
