Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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