if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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